Shraddha here. I wrote this post on my computer back in January right after I came home from an Intensive Part 2 course (now called Art of Silence course) and then promptly forgot all about it. Here it is in all its belated glory.
(Btw, I’m already scheduled to go in mid-March for another experience of silence, this time with Tanuja Didi. I’ve heard amazing stories about her from Anoop… I can’t wait for the 17th!)
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I just came back from an Intensive Part 2 course with Philip Fraser at our own Texas Ashram. The depth of silence I felt this time has been astounding me. Back at home after the silence, I can hear noises with an amazing sharpness like never before. This morning at breakfast I was noticing how loud the laptop’s fan was buzzing nearby, the fluorescent lights were buzzing in my ears, the clock ticking, the cars driving by outside my apartment, water draining from the apartment above, and so on. My hearing has never been this sharp before. This part 2 has definitely made a subtle difference in me and my awareness.
Philip’s authenticity, innocence, and depth really touched me. He started the course by asking, “What do you want?” I pondered on it, and wondered, what if I don’t know what I want… I could just go on with my daily routine of life. Philip said, “If you don’t know, then you don’t have to worry about it. This question comes in handy only when we are not happy. When we are not happy, we want something that we did not get. If you are really sad, you must know that you really want that (whatever it was that you didn’t get).”
Often we complain without realizing what we really want! These past few days I’ve been able to catch those complaints and nip them in the bud. Also, Philip mentioned that the answer to “What do I want” can be with you in your mind; you do not have to worry or think about it all the time. You can go about your routine and yet know where you are headed (your goal). Be willing to even take another birth to reach it. Have enormous patience. We usually lack patience. We want results in two weeks… and then we complain saying it did not work! But we have not really worked at it.
I just told most of my stories to Anoop. He patiently listened to me, but I still feel that most of these experiences are hard to put in words. Words seldom do justice to the experience. But one thing I will note down for my own memory is that Part 2 courses Hollow & Empty when we put our attention on a specific part of our body for so long with our 100% focus on it… that helps remove the deepest impressions from lifetimes! I experienced sensations of burning, and fire in my body during these last few days. Guruji’s knowledge on impressions of food, sex, love and lust really struck me more than ever before. This little mouth has taken 25 tons of food in 25 years. How a person is so gross without the outer skin. How a few moments of sex drains energy that takes 24 hrs to recuperate, and how just one moment of deep meditation is good for 48 hrs of rest.
We waste so much of our energy talking about what is not working. The thing that is not working is usually obvious, and right there in your face; don’t energize it further by talking about it and sharing with everyone you know. Instead be grateful for things that are working, focus on improving what is not working, finding solutions, talking to the right person who can help you.
I feel so blessed to have this awareness of my own mind and body… even more blessed to have my Guru… to have even found a Guru! Rather for the Guru to have found me… Tears of joy, and gratefulness roll down. Lots of love. JGD